How much do you like you?

Speaking of books.... I'm reading (yes, still...) The Narcissism Epidimic. I got to the section today about measuring narcissism, and I thought I'd be off the charts! But lo and behold, I'm not nearly as full of myself as I thought! Take this quiz, and see how much you love you!

In each of the following pairs, choose the one that you MOST AGREE with.

1) A. The thought of ruling the world frightens the hell out of me.
B. If I ruled the world it would be a much better place.

2) A. I prefer to blen in with the crowd.
B. I like to be the center of attention.

3) A. I can live my life any way I want to.
B. People can't always live their lives in terms of what they want.

4) A. I don't particuloarly like to show off my body.
B. I like to show off my body.

5) A. I will never be satisfied until I get all that I deserve.
B. I will take my satisfactions as they come.

6) A. I am no better or no worse than most people.
B. I think I am a special person.

7) A. I find it easy to panipulate people.
B. I don't like it when I find myself manipulating people.

8) A. I try not to be a show-off.
B. I will usually show off if I get the chance.

9) A. I am much like everybody else.
B. I am an extraordinary person.

10) A. I like having authority over other people.
B. I don't mind following orders.

SCORING
Questions 3, 5, 7, and 10: Give yourself 1 point if you answered A.
Questions 1, 2, 4, 6, 8, and 9: Give yourself 1 point if you answered B.

0-3 points: You have scored low in narcissism
4-5 points: You have scored about the same in narcissism as the average college student. This is a slightly above-average score for someone older than 40.
6-7 points: You have scored above average in narcissism.
8-10 points: You have scored significantly above average in narcissism.

So.... how'd you score???

My book....

So I have this crazy goal to write a book. Seeing as how I'm an expert at nothing, this proves a bit problematic when choosing a topic. I could write about my life, but I forget most things that happen to me, so there goes that idea. I could write about my friends' lives, but I forget most of that too!

So here's my new idea. I'm going to write the 2-paragraph story starters/random poetry-esque nonsense that I pat myself on the back for. Then I'm going to sell it at Urban Outfitters. New title: Super-short Stories of Toenails and Fleas.

Entries 1 & 2:

Australia
At the beginning of the summer she stumbled upon the perfect storm for a quarter-life crisis. Now, as fall lurks just around the corner, she realizes the doomed summer was just a catalyst for adventure.

The Cannonball
She gathered her courage and without even sticking a toe in, she waved goodbye and took a flying leap. With eyes closed, arms around her knees, she hit the water with a most satisfying KERPLOP!

And all at once she found herself completely submerged. The fish had a vibrancy she never before knew, as if the water were their permanent display case. Her eyes had been opened, and she knew without a doubt that she had made the right decision. And her world was never the same again.

what i learned from the orphan

As I stood in the humid, sweltering heat of Central America, I watched my Grandmother wipe tears from the man’s face. He was hunched over, no more than 5’3” or 4” with hands gnarled from age and hard work. Despite the early hour, he was pungent with alcohol. Growing up as an orphan

He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised,
and we esteemed him not. (Isaiah 53:3)

In that moment, I could see God working through my Grandmother. As she kissed the man’s cheek “adios”, a bittersweet contentment fell over me. I did not want to expose myself to the apparent trials of this man, and yet I could not will myself to leave. I was immersed in the moment unlike any other time in my life that I can recall. Next to the cornfields in Guatemala with sweat pouring down my face and into my eyes, clothes sticking to me like a second skin, I learned what was to be the theme of my trip, and hopefully my life—be present.

Quest for the best hamburger, entry 1

Growing up I remember that my Dad was perpetually on a quest for the best hamburger ever. We would drive miles to find the unknown hole-in-the-wall with the burger that was sure to satisfy his craving for the All-American charbroiled sandwich. Some would be greasy, some would be dry, and some would be pretty dang delicious.

While I do love a good hamburger, I don't quite share the zest for finding the perfect burger that my father had. But maybe I'll continue his quest, now that I'm think about it!



Either way, quest or no quest, I did extend my hamburger experiences to include the new mushroom swiss burger from McDonald's. And my official review: don't do it! The burger (as are all fast-food burgers) was dry, with a gob of mayonnaise and a heap of mushrooms (and no lettuce or tomato, like I had hoped). The problem is, however, is that at the end of the day, it's still a McDonald's burger, and certainly not worth the $3.99 I paid. The bun IS better than the other McDonald's buns, but do you really go to Micky-D's for the bun? NOPE!

I just realized over the long weekend I actually sampled 4 different burgers, so I'll continue!

Thursday night at Harry Potter night, I had a Steak-n-Shake cheeseburger. As far as fast food places go, this might just be my favorite thus far! It was greasier than my most delicious home grilled burg, but for some reason it was completely satisfying and glorious, greasyness and all!



Finally, on Friday I went to Red Robin with my aunt, uncle, and cousins. I'm not sure if I've been to Red Robin before, but I was excited to see what kind of burgers it had to offer! My uncle and I split 2 burgers: the teriaki burger and a cajun burger. While the teriaki burg was best, neither would be worth driving far to get... But it was fun, and delicious after a long day at the winery!



So, as for these three burger places, I'd have to say Steak-N-Shake wins, hands down! BUT nothing compares to Jakes or Kellars.... Just in case you were wondering.... :D

Vouching for a murderer? Pack a squirrel!

I'm going to take a moment and publicize my love for squirrels. I like them. I think they're cute, and have the best flouncy tails, and I like watching them run around. They're funny when they fight with each other over nuts. They're smart enough to know that they can eat birdseed and not have to scavenge for food. They're 1/2 my favorite animated character ever... SKRAT!! They're like puppies, except smaller and related to rodents... Heck, I even used to walk up to the neighborhood pet store as a kid to see and blow on the flying squirrel that was waiting to be adopted (flying squirrels, by the way, chirp and gurgle and squeak if you blow on them- it's cute!). But...

I WOULD NEVER KEEP ONE IN MY CLEAVAGE!!!!



Apparently the lady in the video was being questioned by police when out pops a squirrel from her bosom. I mean, I've got nothing. Just watch :)

The cost of champagne at The Ritz

After working in the Dallas world of advertising for the past few years, I've had the privilege of frequenting some of the swankiest hotels, bars and restaurants in Dallas. You could say I lead a pretty charmed life. This past Friday I decided to share some of my favorite super-swank spots with a friend who up until now hasn't had much of a reason to check them out.

The evening was a HILARIOUS DISASTER pretty much from start to finish. Basically, it was a typical night in the pretentious Dallas scene.

We started out getting turned down entry into an overrated bar atop a hotel due to a fashion show. After not making "the list" we headed over to a new underground lounge where our shoes were insulted (I personally see nothing wrong with short dresses and gladiator sandals, but what do I know?! I mean, I did miss the fashion show at the earlier locale...) After making it in to this new prestigious establishment (in flats, thank you very much!) we headed downstairs, then upstairs to the rooftop pool where a tray of drinks was spilled on us. An entire tray. On the behind of my white dress... DISASTER! We weren't offered comp drinks or anything, so we promptly left and had to wait about 8 minutes for an elevator in what seemed to be an un-air conditioned hallway.

Finally we made it over to my favorite Dallas hotel/bar for some good times and great drinks at the Dragonfly. After enjoying a famed white cosmo and chatting with our surrounding company, it seemed that the evening was looking up!

As we left we decided to make one last stop at The Ritz on the way home. Now I LOVE the Ritz... It's everything I usually want in a bar. Great decor, great atmosphere, great everything. Until Sir Upton came over. Mr. Upton, a gentleman (read: d-bag) in his mid-30s (at the youngest)came up and sat thigh to thigh with me. If nothing else, he was probably good for a beverage, and I felt that his immediate forced intimacy owed me that much. (I feel like you should be aware that as soon as he sat down I scooted away from him... I was having NONE OF THAT!)

After several minutes of small talk (and a couple of suggestive comments... he thought that he and I would actually happen.... HA!!!), Mr. Upton asked us what he could get us to drink. Being at the Ritz, and offered a drink by someone who could afford it, I certainly HAD to have some champagne, at least he certainly owed us that much. (To give you an idea of the extent of inebriation we're talking, Sir had forgotten what we were ordering by the time he got to the bar.) This should have been when we left, but we stayed because let's be honest, I just wanted some free champagne at the Ritz. I am that classy.

Anyhow, Mr. Upton's ridiculousness just increased and after some suggestive comments. After a hand on the leg, I politely told Mr. Upton that the evening he wanted was not happening, that he needed to "phone a friend" because he was drunk, and that his shirt was unbuttoned at the bottom and his stomach was hanging out. My friend and I left, no harm, no foul, and a sip or two of champagne the wiser.

So moral of the story (and the educational part of this blog) is that the $20 glass of champagne I had was not worth the cost of the time wasted with my new gentleman "friend". Upon leaving I realized that I was embarrassed to have tolerated this letch's behavior for as long as I did, and the lesson of "there's no such thing as a free lunch" (or drink)was yet again reinforced. Note to self: if a man sits next to you with shirt unbuttoned from the bottom, hairy stomach showing, drunk as a skunk, it is not the time to use manners. Instead, leave immediately. Otherwise, you'll regret (yet laugh hysterically) about it for days to come! Also, welcome to the Dallas Scene. Gentlemen aplenty!

Taking the plunge

I'm an act first, think later kind of girl. I'm the girl that talked her way out of failing a class I needed to graduate college because I didn't show up to said class. I'm the girl constantly putting my foot in my mouth and having to extract it. I'm the girl who loved buying her first car even though I had no idea what I was doing, which could have potentially cost me much dinero. Maybe I could be called a problem solver. Maybe I'm just the girl with crazy good luck. In reality I'm the girl that causes problems and finagles to fix them after the fact. But I guess this is what I get for being repeatedly pushed into the deep end of the pool (metaphorically, of course) and having to teach myself to swim out. When forced, I'm used to taking the plunge.

I bring all of this up not to toot my own horn, but because I'm chest deep in my own quarter-life crisis. Thank you, John Mayer... it does exist! I feel (as do several of my friends) that there's more to the world than the little bubble most of us live in, and hopefully my rationalization of jumping into the deep end of a pool despite swimming (or lack thereof) capabilities will help get the ball rolling again. The hard part is figuring out which part of our lives are lacking, and which are fulfilled. When you reach your mid 20s, you've finally reached the point you've been waiting for your whole life. The problem I've run into, though, is that I'm still waiting for my life to start. Like many of my friends, I'm stuck in a rut and need to activate life, and not the other way around. We're adults now. Life's OBVIOUSLY going to keep on going without us, and it's not going to be anything spectacular unless we plan it that way!

So with all that said, I have to ask myself, "Self... you got yourself into trouble before, and it all turned out fine." And it's true! Every single ridiculous situation I have found myself in over the last 10 years (believe me, there have been MANY) I ended up coming out on top. It's funny how things work like that. Just when you think you're about to break, you realize that you've got it. And the truth is, the same goes for every other person in the midst of their "quarter-life crisis". The difference is, up until now, we've been pushed in the deep end by parents, school, jobs, relationships... by life.

My question and challenge to myself (and anybody who reads this, quarter-life crisis or not) is: Why are you so afraid to jump in the deep end now? You've been pushed in before and you've come out just fine, so why not take a flying leap? Everybody has a lifeguard that can save them if absolutely necessary, and no decision you make will leave you treading water with no ladder (read: end) in sight. So if there's something you've been thinking about doing but have been too much of a wuss because you're ok with the path life has been dragging you around on then ignore this. But I know that I'm going to keep climbing the ladder to the top of the high dive and can't wait to do a cannonball. I expect great things out of myself and am ready for others to see them. I mean really... what's the worst that can happen??