At lunch the other day I was sitting with one of my best friends from college and somehow we began discussing my father. I have no idea how it came about, but knowing myself, it was probably completely NOT where either of us expected the conversation to end up. Whether the conversation was planned or not, it sparked some questions that I've since been thinking about.
Just in case you guys didn't know, my father died when I was in high school. He had cancer for several years, and, to be honest, his death wasn't unexpected. What has been unexpected for me, however, are the questions that are just posing themselves eight years after his death.
Like I said, my dad died when I was in high school. It was spring of junior year, to be exact. The months following his death I experienced all the emotions that go along with losing a loved one, specifically someone you were extra close to. I was always a daddy's girl growing up, and it's just now that I'm realizing how little I actually know about my father.
Back to the conversation with my friend... In that conversation I realized that I never really knew my father. No... That's not true.... I never really knew Bob. And I think, looking back, this is probably the hardest part of losing a parent at a fairly young age. You see, I was old enough to know my dad and I still remember things about him (amazingly, because I have a TERRIBLE memory!) but I only remember him in his role as my father. Of course I knew about his personality, which I believe I inherited, but I didn't ever get to know him as a person. And I think I'm just now realizing what I'm missing out on.
I have always thought to myself, usually after making a bad joke, oh.... dad would have said that. Or after singing in the Meyerson last week, I thought, oh.... dad would be proud and would have enjoyed listening to that. These little dad woulds don't really make me sad anymore, it's just a part of life. But this last week, I've really been in tune with my "dad woulds" and have been wondering, well, would he really? And the answer is, I honestly have no idea! But I like to think the image I have of my dad is the right one.
I guess the moral of this story (because every story indeed has a moral) is that you can never understand or know a person based on one facet of their personality. As if that's a new idea that we DIDN'T learn from the idea of stereotypes... But really. You absolutely cannot put people in a box with a clean label on their personality type, how they would respond in situations, etc. Because really, at the end of the day, we have no idea! I have no idea about the multiple facets of my dad's personality I didn't get to experience as a kid, and I'm just now realizing how much I miss learning that.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Warning: going political
No....not political... humanitarian.
As an avid reader of CNN.com, I'm always up to date with the latest news. Lately, I've also started to include some NPR and talks with Spaghetti (my grandmother) to my current events knowledge. While I'm for a public healthcare option, I can understand that not everybody has the same sentiment. A public option is reminiscent of socialism, and dammit, we're a democracy. I understand. I understand that public-option opponents may be scared of helping those who refuse to help themselves. I understand that there are those concerned that a public option will increase the cost, or lower the standards of their own healthcare. Despite being a by-the-book democrat, I get these concerns.
What I can't get over, however, is that the end result of all our fears lead to people dying. People that could have easily been treated are dying because they are less fortunate than people like myself. At the end of the day, that is the result, and I can't get over that.
And the scary thing is, this mentality... the look out for yourself and your own interests, is carrying over to every aspect of our lives. I have to ask, what happened to the idea that you're only as strong as your weakest link? I honestly think it's pitiful that, for the most part, a majority of us can't look at the big picture. America is the sum of her parts, and when we don't care for all of our parts, we're just running like a squeaky, broken-down machine. We're all better than that!
This mentality that I speak of (which inspired this soap-box rant) is especially evident in morgues in Detroit and even in LA. I read an article on CNN that tells about bodies piling up in a Detroit morgue because family members can't scrape together the exorbitant amount for a funeral or for cremation. The deceased just "hang-out" in the morgue's freezer because they have nowhere else to go. Picture that a loved one has just passed away. Think of the grief and hardship you will go through, emotionally. Now imagine that you are unable to even claim your loved one and give him a proper burial. As sorrowful as the thought may be, that's many people's realities.
Let me just reiterate, that I completely understand and up until this summer have declared myself economically conservative. But where is the compassion and the humanity? How can I, with so much, NOT care for a fellow-human being who can't afford to bury his mother? It is situations like these that call out to us as humans. Not as democrats or republicans. Not as the rich or poor. Not as white, black, asian, or whatever. This story should affect us as humanitarians. Our hearts should go out to the people who cannot afford to bury their loved-ones, and as a society we need to be inclined to help those who are suffering, in whatever way possible.
The point of this rant, and yes, I'll agree that's what it is, is not to change your mind on healthcare, or any number of other political beliefs. It is, however, to remind you that you are human, and we are a community. We live together in a society that will flourish if everybody looks out for each other. To quote wise Jack from Lost.... "Live together, or die alone." I urge everybody to stop and think how they can contribute to society that has given them so much- from National Parks, to public schooling, to public hospitals. Stop and think what you're talented at, and then see what you can do to share that for the betterment of others. If we all did that, wouldn't the world be a much better place?
As an avid reader of CNN.com, I'm always up to date with the latest news. Lately, I've also started to include some NPR and talks with Spaghetti (my grandmother) to my current events knowledge. While I'm for a public healthcare option, I can understand that not everybody has the same sentiment. A public option is reminiscent of socialism, and dammit, we're a democracy. I understand. I understand that public-option opponents may be scared of helping those who refuse to help themselves. I understand that there are those concerned that a public option will increase the cost, or lower the standards of their own healthcare. Despite being a by-the-book democrat, I get these concerns.
What I can't get over, however, is that the end result of all our fears lead to people dying. People that could have easily been treated are dying because they are less fortunate than people like myself. At the end of the day, that is the result, and I can't get over that.
And the scary thing is, this mentality... the look out for yourself and your own interests, is carrying over to every aspect of our lives. I have to ask, what happened to the idea that you're only as strong as your weakest link? I honestly think it's pitiful that, for the most part, a majority of us can't look at the big picture. America is the sum of her parts, and when we don't care for all of our parts, we're just running like a squeaky, broken-down machine. We're all better than that!
This mentality that I speak of (which inspired this soap-box rant) is especially evident in morgues in Detroit and even in LA. I read an article on CNN that tells about bodies piling up in a Detroit morgue because family members can't scrape together the exorbitant amount for a funeral or for cremation. The deceased just "hang-out" in the morgue's freezer because they have nowhere else to go. Picture that a loved one has just passed away. Think of the grief and hardship you will go through, emotionally. Now imagine that you are unable to even claim your loved one and give him a proper burial. As sorrowful as the thought may be, that's many people's realities.
Let me just reiterate, that I completely understand and up until this summer have declared myself economically conservative. But where is the compassion and the humanity? How can I, with so much, NOT care for a fellow-human being who can't afford to bury his mother? It is situations like these that call out to us as humans. Not as democrats or republicans. Not as the rich or poor. Not as white, black, asian, or whatever. This story should affect us as humanitarians. Our hearts should go out to the people who cannot afford to bury their loved-ones, and as a society we need to be inclined to help those who are suffering, in whatever way possible.
The point of this rant, and yes, I'll agree that's what it is, is not to change your mind on healthcare, or any number of other political beliefs. It is, however, to remind you that you are human, and we are a community. We live together in a society that will flourish if everybody looks out for each other. To quote wise Jack from Lost.... "Live together, or die alone." I urge everybody to stop and think how they can contribute to society that has given them so much- from National Parks, to public schooling, to public hospitals. Stop and think what you're talented at, and then see what you can do to share that for the betterment of others. If we all did that, wouldn't the world be a much better place?
Friday, September 4, 2009
How much do you like you?
Speaking of books.... I'm reading (yes, still...) The Narcissism Epidimic. I got to the section today about measuring narcissism, and I thought I'd be off the charts! But lo and behold, I'm not nearly as full of myself as I thought! Take this quiz, and see how much you love you!
In each of the following pairs, choose the one that you MOST AGREE with.
1) A. The thought of ruling the world frightens the hell out of me.
B. If I ruled the world it would be a much better place.
2) A. I prefer to blen in with the crowd.
B. I like to be the center of attention.
3) A. I can live my life any way I want to.
B. People can't always live their lives in terms of what they want.
4) A. I don't particuloarly like to show off my body.
B. I like to show off my body.
5) A. I will never be satisfied until I get all that I deserve.
B. I will take my satisfactions as they come.
6) A. I am no better or no worse than most people.
B. I think I am a special person.
7) A. I find it easy to panipulate people.
B. I don't like it when I find myself manipulating people.
8) A. I try not to be a show-off.
B. I will usually show off if I get the chance.
9) A. I am much like everybody else.
B. I am an extraordinary person.
10) A. I like having authority over other people.
B. I don't mind following orders.
SCORING
Questions 3, 5, 7, and 10: Give yourself 1 point if you answered A.
Questions 1, 2, 4, 6, 8, and 9: Give yourself 1 point if you answered B.
0-3 points: You have scored low in narcissism
4-5 points: You have scored about the same in narcissism as the average college student. This is a slightly above-average score for someone older than 40.
6-7 points: You have scored above average in narcissism.
8-10 points: You have scored significantly above average in narcissism.
So.... how'd you score???
In each of the following pairs, choose the one that you MOST AGREE with.
1) A. The thought of ruling the world frightens the hell out of me.
B. If I ruled the world it would be a much better place.
2) A. I prefer to blen in with the crowd.
B. I like to be the center of attention.
3) A. I can live my life any way I want to.
B. People can't always live their lives in terms of what they want.
4) A. I don't particuloarly like to show off my body.
B. I like to show off my body.
5) A. I will never be satisfied until I get all that I deserve.
B. I will take my satisfactions as they come.
6) A. I am no better or no worse than most people.
B. I think I am a special person.
7) A. I find it easy to panipulate people.
B. I don't like it when I find myself manipulating people.
8) A. I try not to be a show-off.
B. I will usually show off if I get the chance.
9) A. I am much like everybody else.
B. I am an extraordinary person.
10) A. I like having authority over other people.
B. I don't mind following orders.
SCORING
Questions 3, 5, 7, and 10: Give yourself 1 point if you answered A.
Questions 1, 2, 4, 6, 8, and 9: Give yourself 1 point if you answered B.
0-3 points: You have scored low in narcissism
4-5 points: You have scored about the same in narcissism as the average college student. This is a slightly above-average score for someone older than 40.
6-7 points: You have scored above average in narcissism.
8-10 points: You have scored significantly above average in narcissism.
So.... how'd you score???
My book....
So I have this crazy goal to write a book. Seeing as how I'm an expert at nothing, this proves a bit problematic when choosing a topic. I could write about my life, but I forget most things that happen to me, so there goes that idea. I could write about my friends' lives, but I forget most of that too!
So here's my new idea. I'm going to write the 2-paragraph story starters/random poetry-esque nonsense that I pat myself on the back for. Then I'm going to sell it at Urban Outfitters. New title: Super-short Stories of Toenails and Fleas.
Entries 1 & 2:
Australia
At the beginning of the summer she stumbled upon the perfect storm for a quarter-life crisis. Now, as fall lurks just around the corner, she realizes the doomed summer was just a catalyst for adventure.
The Cannonball
She gathered her courage and without even sticking a toe in, she waved goodbye and took a flying leap. With eyes closed, arms around her knees, she hit the water with a most satisfying KERPLOP!
And all at once she found herself completely submerged. The fish had a vibrancy she never before knew, as if the water were their permanent display case. Her eyes had been opened, and she knew without a doubt that she had made the right decision. And her world was never the same again.
So here's my new idea. I'm going to write the 2-paragraph story starters/random poetry-esque nonsense that I pat myself on the back for. Then I'm going to sell it at Urban Outfitters. New title: Super-short Stories of Toenails and Fleas.
Entries 1 & 2:
Australia
At the beginning of the summer she stumbled upon the perfect storm for a quarter-life crisis. Now, as fall lurks just around the corner, she realizes the doomed summer was just a catalyst for adventure.
The Cannonball
She gathered her courage and without even sticking a toe in, she waved goodbye and took a flying leap. With eyes closed, arms around her knees, she hit the water with a most satisfying KERPLOP!
And all at once she found herself completely submerged. The fish had a vibrancy she never before knew, as if the water were their permanent display case. Her eyes had been opened, and she knew without a doubt that she had made the right decision. And her world was never the same again.
Friday, August 7, 2009
what i learned from the orphan
As I stood in the humid, sweltering heat of Central America, I watched my Grandmother wipe tears from the man’s face. He was hunched over, no more than 5’3” or 4” with hands gnarled from age and hard work. Despite the early hour, he was pungent with alcohol. Growing up as an orphan
He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised,
and we esteemed him not. (Isaiah 53:3)
In that moment, I could see God working through my Grandmother. As she kissed the man’s cheek “adios”, a bittersweet contentment fell over me. I did not want to expose myself to the apparent trials of this man, and yet I could not will myself to leave. I was immersed in the moment unlike any other time in my life that I can recall. Next to the cornfields in Guatemala with sweat pouring down my face and into my eyes, clothes sticking to me like a second skin, I learned what was to be the theme of my trip, and hopefully my life—be present.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Quest for the best hamburger, entry 1
Growing up I remember that my Dad was perpetually on a quest for the best hamburger ever. We would drive miles to find the unknown hole-in-the-wall with the burger that was sure to satisfy his craving for the All-American charbroiled sandwich. Some would be greasy, some would be dry, and some would be pretty dang delicious.
While I do love a good hamburger, I don't quite share the zest for finding the perfect burger that my father had. But maybe I'll continue his quest, now that I'm think about it!
Either way, quest or no quest, I did extend my hamburger experiences to include the new mushroom swiss burger from McDonald's. And my official review: don't do it! The burger (as are all fast-food burgers) was dry, with a gob of mayonnaise and a heap of mushrooms (and no lettuce or tomato, like I had hoped). The problem is, however, is that at the end of the day, it's still a McDonald's burger, and certainly not worth the $3.99 I paid. The bun IS better than the other McDonald's buns, but do you really go to Micky-D's for the bun? NOPE!
I just realized over the long weekend I actually sampled 4 different burgers, so I'll continue!
Thursday night at Harry Potter night, I had a Steak-n-Shake cheeseburger. As far as fast food places go, this might just be my favorite thus far! It was greasier than my most delicious home grilled burg, but for some reason it was completely satisfying and glorious, greasyness and all!
Finally, on Friday I went to Red Robin with my aunt, uncle, and cousins. I'm not sure if I've been to Red Robin before, but I was excited to see what kind of burgers it had to offer! My uncle and I split 2 burgers: the teriaki burger and a cajun burger. While the teriaki burg was best, neither would be worth driving far to get... But it was fun, and delicious after a long day at the winery!
So, as for these three burger places, I'd have to say Steak-N-Shake wins, hands down! BUT nothing compares to Jakes or Kellars.... Just in case you were wondering.... :D
While I do love a good hamburger, I don't quite share the zest for finding the perfect burger that my father had. But maybe I'll continue his quest, now that I'm think about it!
Either way, quest or no quest, I did extend my hamburger experiences to include the new mushroom swiss burger from McDonald's. And my official review: don't do it! The burger (as are all fast-food burgers) was dry, with a gob of mayonnaise and a heap of mushrooms (and no lettuce or tomato, like I had hoped). The problem is, however, is that at the end of the day, it's still a McDonald's burger, and certainly not worth the $3.99 I paid. The bun IS better than the other McDonald's buns, but do you really go to Micky-D's for the bun? NOPE!
I just realized over the long weekend I actually sampled 4 different burgers, so I'll continue!
Thursday night at Harry Potter night, I had a Steak-n-Shake cheeseburger. As far as fast food places go, this might just be my favorite thus far! It was greasier than my most delicious home grilled burg, but for some reason it was completely satisfying and glorious, greasyness and all!
Finally, on Friday I went to Red Robin with my aunt, uncle, and cousins. I'm not sure if I've been to Red Robin before, but I was excited to see what kind of burgers it had to offer! My uncle and I split 2 burgers: the teriaki burger and a cajun burger. While the teriaki burg was best, neither would be worth driving far to get... But it was fun, and delicious after a long day at the winery!
So, as for these three burger places, I'd have to say Steak-N-Shake wins, hands down! BUT nothing compares to Jakes or Kellars.... Just in case you were wondering.... :D
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Vouching for a murderer? Pack a squirrel!
I'm going to take a moment and publicize my love for squirrels. I like them. I think they're cute, and have the best flouncy tails, and I like watching them run around. They're funny when they fight with each other over nuts. They're smart enough to know that they can eat birdseed and not have to scavenge for food. They're 1/2 my favorite animated character ever... SKRAT!! They're like puppies, except smaller and related to rodents... Heck, I even used to walk up to the neighborhood pet store as a kid to see and blow on the flying squirrel that was waiting to be adopted (flying squirrels, by the way, chirp and gurgle and squeak if you blow on them- it's cute!). But...
I WOULD NEVER KEEP ONE IN MY CLEAVAGE!!!!
Apparently the lady in the video was being questioned by police when out pops a squirrel from her bosom. I mean, I've got nothing. Just watch :)
I WOULD NEVER KEEP ONE IN MY CLEAVAGE!!!!
Apparently the lady in the video was being questioned by police when out pops a squirrel from her bosom. I mean, I've got nothing. Just watch :)
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