Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Offit

This is the story of Sedgewick Stanislav, the Offit (Office Hobbit) I dreamt up today at work while chatting with a colleague in my corporate office.

Sedgewick could hear the thunder booming outside of his office building, but he couldn't be bothered to give it a second thought as he lumbered ferociously down the dim hallway. He was at work at the Krag, which meant he of course was on a very important mission and could not afford any delay that weather pondering might create. You see, Sedgewick is not just an employee of the Krag. He is the Assistant Financial Billing Specialist in charge of invoicing who, after a raucous night at the local pub and an unforgettable morning in the bed of the VP of marketing, was quickly thrust into the spotlight as the new talking-head for the entire finance department.

As he continued his march towards the copy machine, his team of five invoice-rs peered over their cube walls to leer at the melodramatic Sedgewick and to see what problem their illustriously incompetent leader would create for them. While they were used to his usual office antics, he had recently employed some more drastic scare-tactics involving a double-edged sword he purchased at the War and Warcrimes video game convention he attended two weekends ago. The convention had been stocked full of weapons ranging from medieval swords and poison infused chalices to the newly acquired technology making light sabers a reality. While Sedgewick had been able to forgo the light sabers, he had always been a fanatic for all things Will Shakespeare and could not pass up the opportunity to purchase a replica of the dagger used in the 1971 production of MacBeth.

I've figured out what Sedgewick does next, but tired of writing about him b/c I can't get over the fact that my stomach is eating itself from hunger... Only 1 hr and 19 mins left of work... LONGEST DAY EVER!!!

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